You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
