So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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