i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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