Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
