Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
