my vag is so smooth its legendary
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
