I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize