you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
how drunk are you?
Several
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
