so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
