now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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