Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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