While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
