Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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