is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
