so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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