did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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