great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
