you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
