We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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