Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
