dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
