I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
