It's like God shit irony all over that family
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
