I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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