pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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