After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
