i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
