Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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