In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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