You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's the barista slut.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
