I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
