The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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