My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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