i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
