I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
