If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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