I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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