I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
