Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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