he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
