Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
