she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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