Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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