I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
