I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize