You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
