so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
