...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
