Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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