I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
