Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
