Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
