giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
