I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
