I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
