Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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