I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
