before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
