did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize