Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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