Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
