Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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