Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
