Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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