yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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