Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
