There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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